So, I’m a college freshman and, therefore, am still learning how to deal with the idea of living with another person. Usually it’s not so bad, my roommate and I get along great. But then you add the boyfriend in the mix and things get kind of awkward, you know? The thing is, this dude (who shall not be named) seems like a nice enough guy for the most part. I mean, he’s never really done anything that truly offends me. Yet there’s just something about his presence that annoys the hell out of me.
Now, maybe it’s because I currently do not have a man to call my own, but I just don’t understand the desire to my friend has to drop everything to accomodate whatever this guys wants (people that do that frustrate me to no end). See, what usually happens is, she calls this guy to see if they have plans or not before she decides what to do for the day. I guess that makes sense, considering he is her boyfriend and she obviously wants to spend time with him. But the thing that gets me, is the fact that he just ignores her when he doesn’t want to see her, so she just ends up sitting by the phone all day waiting for his reply!!!!! There have been times when this goes on for like a weekend or more, no lie. Then, when I ask her to come chill with my friends and I, I get the “well, I don’t know…” response, because she’s still waiting for this dude to decide when he wants to hang out. In the event that I finally manage to get her to socialize with other people at some function or another, the guy, inevitably, calls and ends up getting all pissed off because she didn’t wait for him.
Of course, it’s not all bad for them. Usually it just ends up being extremely awkward for me. Like the days I come back from class and just want to relax and listen to some music. But no, I can’t because guy and roommate are taking a nap. You want to nap with your boyfriend,whatever it’s not that big of a deal. I just feel that a warning would be nice once in a while; just a nice and polite “hey, so and so might be here when you get out of class…,” that’s all I ask.
Let me just tell you, there’s nothing more awkward then when you come back to your room (and I always seem to have someone with me when this happens) and your roommate and bf are just hanging out in her bed. Inevitably, I don’t see him at first because he’s against the wall behind her (we have loft beds that are way above the floor so I have to look up to see them when I walk in the door). So there I am, just carrying on the conversation with whomever, introducing my roommate, and up pops the boyfriend. AWKWARD!!!! And, of course, my friends get all freaked out and feel extremely awkward, as do I, but they seem just fine.
But I think out of all that, what really bothers me the most about this entire boyfriend situation, is there’s never any courtesy toward me. Maybe, at the beginning of the semester, she asked and I just can’t recall for whatever reason, but I don’t think there was ever any sort of agreement that he could be over here whenever. To sort of depict what I’m talking about here, let’s say I’m sitting at my desk doing some sort of assignment and roommate gets a phone call. Inevitably it is the bf, and, of course, he’s outside our dorm. So, without asking me, she goes out, lets the dude in, brings him in our room, and then (this is what gets me the most) is all “look at who I found!”
My question is as follows: Does she think I’m supposed to be excited by this??????????????? I mean, the way she says it almost suggests that I should be grateful she did me such a wonderful favor. Oh yeah, thanks. Now I get to listen to you and your bf kissing and being cute, while I’m trying to write a five-page paper. I’m so glad you thought of me, your so kind!
She never asks if it’s cool if dude comes over. Now, some people would be like, well she doesn’t have to, you’re just a prude and don’t understand. Ok, well maybe that is the case, I don’t know. But, this is the only issue my roommate doesn’t ask me about. I could be laying in bed, already half asleep alseep mind you, and the girl will ask me if it’s okay to turn out the lights so she can go to bed. WTF????? If she feels that she needs to ask me about little things, you’d think she’d ask me about the boyfriend situation. I just don’t understand her logic there.
Of course, if she asks I don’t think I could really say “no it’s not cool if he’s here.” (I like to avoid conflict) But still, just a heads up would be nice, that way I could have a headstart on finding somewhere else to study.
I really would not like a repeat of the time she brought him in andI had just gotten out of the shower. There I am, in my towel and who should I see walking up the walk outside the window. Now, luckily I was able to race back to the hall bathroom that time, but next time who knows. Or the time I had just gotten up and he was there. I’m in my pj’s, my hair is everywhere(as it my make-up) and he decides to talk to me that day. ARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!
I realize that I don’t understand the relationship, mine usually last for like two weeks. But even if I did, I’m not sure I’d be okay with this situation. I just feel that if that were me and my boyfriend, I would be a little bit more aware of how potentially awkward these situations are. I would avoid them like the plague! I just want her to be more aware. Like, seriously, I’ve actually contemplated getting a really good guy friend to come and lay in my bed, just so she see what it is like at times. Now, I will probably never do that because that’s a little on the weird side, even for me, but that’s the point I want to make (of course, with my luck, there’s always the chance that she wouldn’t find it awkward and then I’d just feel stupid).
And your probably saying “why don’t you just tell her how uncomfortable you are.” Oh my friend, don’t you think I’ve thought of that already. I’ve tried everything from subtle hints, to flat out being like “I feel really uncomfortable when he’s around,” to straight up anger, and to just leaving as soon as he walks in the room. Yet, here I am with the same old problem.
So sorry about the super long rant, but I had to get this off my chest because someone’s not getting the point!
